Today I have no spoons. I don’t think. I just don’t care enough to do anything – not in a bad way, mind you, I’m quite mentally alert and with it … I just … can’t be bothered.
I still did stuff. I walked the dog at the paddock, did my feeding rounds, did some googling on light weight equipment. I did my exercises, as prescribed by my physio.
Now I’m home and I’m thinking it’d be nice to do some writing (of the fiction kind, not this rambling mess I call a blog) and I can’t be stuffed. I don’t want to watch TV, I don’t want to read fanfiction (or fiction … or anything). I don’t want to knit or crochet.
I used to experience this a lot, but with more gloom. Now I’m just feeling this but there’s a sort of … peace, contentedness almost, with wanting to feel like an amorphous blob for a bit.
I’m wondering if this is how depression is going to manifest now that I’m on anti-depressants, or if I’m just burnt out (new or continuous, who knows! I’m sure I’ve been burnt out and barreling forward for years). I don’t know if finding the root cause will change anything, there’s not a huge amount I can do about either depression or burnout other than what I am doing – which is continue to do the things I must, not do things I don’t, drink water, do light stretches (and the daily walkies) and do relaxing things that I enjoy.