Today I Don’t Feel Like Doing Anything (Nothing At All)

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Today I have no spoons.  I don’t think.  I just don’t care enough to do anything – not in a bad way, mind you, I’m quite mentally alert and with it … I just … can’t be bothered.

I still did stuff.  I walked the dog at the paddock, did my feeding rounds, did some googling on light weight equipment.  I did my exercises, as prescribed by my physio.

Now I’m home and I’m thinking it’d be nice to do some writing (of the fiction kind, not this rambling mess I call a blog) and I can’t be stuffed.  I don’t want to watch TV, I don’t want to read fanfiction (or fiction … or anything).  I don’t want to knit or crochet.

I used to experience this a lot, but with more gloom.  Now I’m just feeling this but there’s a sort of … peace, contentedness almost, with wanting to feel like an amorphous blob for a bit.

I’m wondering if this is how depression is going to manifest now that I’m on anti-depressants, or if I’m just burnt out (new or continuous, who knows!  I’m sure I’ve been burnt out and barreling forward for years).  I don’t know if finding the root cause will change anything, there’s not a huge amount I can do about either depression or burnout other than what I am doing – which is continue to do the things I must, not do things I don’t, drink water, do light stretches (and the daily walkies) and do relaxing things that I enjoy.

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