I had some news on Wednesday that reminded me of my beloved pets’ health, the fact that they are old, with many of the associated diseases, and had a realisation about their mortality.
You don’t think about it that often. Or at least I don’t. I’ve had one of my cats since he was barely a month old, and my other since she was 2. I’ve had my dog since she was 6 months. My derpy boy is now 13, my girly cat 15, and my pupper coming up to 6 years old. They’re starting to get into their ‘geriatric’ years. Both of my cats have geriatric diseases – hyperthyroidism and renal failure (to differing levels) – and my girly cat has other serious problems with her back and legs.
It hit me like a Volvo truck to the face. They’re old. They’re going to die. If I’m lucky I’ll get another 3-6 years out of any of them. But sometime soon they are going to die, and I’m not ready for that. I’m not ready for my babies, who I’ve had since they were so young, to be old.
So I did what all people do when they’re faced with mortality: I had a meltdown. I sobbed. I curled up and rocked for a bit. Then I sat and put on high quality distractions so I could just exist as a brainless blob for the rest of the day. By the time I was due to go to sleep, I was already aching.
The next day, yesterday, was agonising. The stress kicked off a flare. All my joints were stiff and muscles burned. My head was foggy. I could hardly see straight, let alone keep my eyes open. After a few hours of fighting the fatigue, I curled up on the couch and slept for 5 hours. I was still incredibly dizzy and exhausted, so I continued my blob. I slept like the dead.
Well today I’m still overly fatigued and my entire body feels heavy. Even typing is hard today, and I strongly suspect another nap is in order, despite the long sleep I had last night. My joints are still stiff and achy, especially my knees and hips. My motivation levels have completely bottomed out. My ability to do even easy things, like play a game, is completely nonexistent.
And the only thing I can do is ride it out. I’ve had to put on hold all the things I needed to get done because I just can’t. Some of them involve driving for hours and heavy digging, which I can do on a good day, but holy hells bells I can’t do when I’m like this.
When this kind of thing happens you can either fight it or relax into it and embrace it. I’m still working on the relaxing into it, I really have to force myself. But it’s better to relax into it than to try and fight it!