I’ll have been on fluoxetine for 2 weeks as of tomorrow. It’s been an interesting couple of weeks.
The first week was like I was lightly high on MDMA the entire week. My words would trip over themselves falling out of my mouth, and my usual filter was … absent. My brain would skitter off while I tried to concentrate on checking my work. But I was completely anxiety free. I was walking on cloud nine.
I also experienced increased thirst (which is no bad thing, as I live in a permanently dehydrated state), my kidneys were sensitive if I didn’t drink enough water, I had quirks of thermoregulation (I’m typically a lizard human but found myself overheating at work!) and difficulties focusing my eyes.
The second week has continued much the same as the first with regard to physical side effects, but the mood has not been quite as sunny. I’m managing to concentrate better, which is good, because the work I do is quite reliant on speed and accuracy. I have more energy during the day, and I’m more alert, so I don’t rely quite as heavily on caffeine to keep me moving. I still can’t quite make words play as well as I used to, but I’m hoping the more time I spend writing in this new headspace, the more words will come back to me.
But now I’m in that irritating phase where I have a bit more energy but not the anti-depressant bit. So I’m angry and I’m agitated and I feel like I’m stuck in the same spot pushing the same shit up hill. I want to be anywhere but here doing anything but what I’m doing right now. I want to be an amorphous blob.
I still experience anxiety, as well. I still have some generalised anxiety, and oh boy do I still have specific situation anxiety, but it’s a bit more muted. I experience it more in my head and less in my body, if that makes any sense. My gut doesn’t drop and my heart rate doesn’t skyrocket, and I don’t start shaking, although I do notice I perspire more when I’m experiencing acute situational anxiety. I still need to twitch, I still need to fidget, I still have my muscle ticks, but the threshold is a lot higher.
I’m hoping the third week starts picking the mood up a bit.