Tag: chronic illness

Adding In Acupuncture

Bones

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After the meltdown of finding out there was nothing wrong with my brain or trigeminal nerve, I decided to get to throwing everything at it to find out what sticks.  One of those things I’m throwing at it is my old physio, who does laser and ultrasound therapy for injuries, as well as acupuncture and chiropractic work.  He’s an all rounder, and he’s very effective.

When I first visited him, he unlocked my hips – unfortunately my muscles weren’t used to my hips being able to swing, and so I was walking into things and clipping the corners of desks and the like, but my hips were working like they were supposed to again!  While treating me for an injury he would also do minor adjustments to my back, each of them having huge and lasting effects.  When I’ve been to him during major fibromyalgia flare ups, a few adjustments have me feeling better.  Not completely better, but just better enough that I can get through the day.

Today was my first acupuncture session.  Now please keep in mind that I am viscerally terrified of needles.  I tend to faint when I’m needled for any reason.

I lay on my back and waited as he tore open the package.  He was very swift in placing the needles, almost no time between placing the guiding mount and pushing in the needle.  He placed four on each side, one over the trigeminal nerve, one up the scalp, one behind the jaw, and one just in front of the ear.  Tiny pinpricks of anxiety.

I’m not verbose enough to describe how I lay there and panicked as he placed them one by one, but suffice to say, I did.  A number of times he asked me if I was okay.  I had to explain that yes, I’m fine, I’m just panicking because there’s needles involved.  Once they were in and I was accustomed to the sensation, I was able to sort myself out and relax.

Since the treatment I have been attempting to catalogue the difference in trigeminal pain.  Until now it’s been less continuous.  I’ve had more sharp stabbings rather than slow burning aches, although they’re still there.  The sensation of having one particular tooth pulled without analgesia is still there and just as intense.  It all feels just a bit different.  I’m not sure if that different is better or worse than before, and to be honest unless I was experiencing them both at the same time I wouldn’t be able to tell you which was better or worse.  It’s just different.

I’m also really drowsy, which is normal.  I usually have a bit of a shit rest of the day, but the next day brings about improvements.  I’m hoping that’s the case here!  And even if not, I’m there again next week.  I’ll just keep throwing shit at it to see what sticks!

There Is Nothing Wrong With Me (Except There Is)

Bones

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I went in last week for a private MRI.  It was a surprisingly relaxing experience – I spent my time cataloguing what all of the noises sounded like.  Most of them sounded like a really broken hard drive trying to work.  Some noises were like overbalanced washing machines.  Some sounded like the old 90s printers going nuts printing.

I got the report from my MRI today.  Everything is normal.  The brain is normal.  The nerve is normal.  There are no impingements, demyelination, nothing.  There is no physical reason for my trigeminal nerve to be permanently signalling pain.

I am devastated.  In a few days I’ll be relieved it wasn’t other things (like multiple sclerosis or a tumour), but for now I am distraught at the fact that they can’t fix this.  There is no cure.  They can’t make this pain go away.

This is my life.  Having a jaw that feels it’s being eaten away, a temple that aches and burns, a nose that feels like ice, and a brow and forehead that throbs.

Today I will be sad.  Tomorrow I will be angry and I will not let this be my life, come hell or high water.  But today I will be sad and accept where I am, which is in a lot of pain with no physical evidence to show for it.

This Is My Life Currently

Bones

christopher-windus-ys_PVhkEC6c-unsplashThe alarm goes off.  I groan, hit snooze, and roll over to steal some warmth from my amazing human who also doubles as a walking space heater.  The snooze alarm goes off and I whinge some more and convince myself I’m only going in for a little cuddle.  Several minutes later I get a nudge awake and I roll myself out of bed.  I stand up.

And promptly tilt over into the dresser.

That’s fine, there’s only a few centimetres between where I stand and the dresser, I’m not hurt in the least.  I stand myself back upright and lean on the bed as I grab my pants, put them on carefully one leg at a time (I’m also deeply inflexible first thing in the morning, so this is sometimes quite difficult), put my jumper and slippers on, and totter out.

My right eye is just a blur, like I’m not wearing my glasses.  My left eye works fine.

I stumble and list several more times on my way to the kitchen, but I manage to catch myself each time, usually with my feet, sometimes with my hands on a wall.  The cats yell at me to feed them.  Kettle goes on first, dog loses her shit because I’m up and that means breakfast, and the cats continue to yell at me.  They all have me whipped.

I continue to teeter my way around the house, feeding the various beasts, making my coffee, my amazing human’s coffee, my breakfast, until at last I can sit down and not expend additional energy catching myself as I start to tip sideways.  I subconsciously plan my routes to ensure I have either something structurally sound I can catch myself on, or something soft I can fall on, as much as possible.  I’m glad my floofy creature (cat, she rules our lives, and she knows it and loves it) is more interested in floofing in front of me – tail up and elegantly tipped to one side, glancing over her shoulder as she chirrups to make sure I’m following her – rather than doing a surprise floof directly in front of / under / between my feet as I’m walking.

By the time I’m seated with my breakfast and coffee my right eye is back to normal, if feeling uncomfortable (I’ve been to the optometrist who says it’s all beautiful and fine), and I spend my mornings relaxing and waiting for my body to stabilise a bit more.

Throughout all of this my jaw burns.  Well, not so much burns, as feels like it’s being eaten away.  It’s a diffuse ache with no distinct boundaries but a tapering off around a central pain.  Sometimes it’ll crawl down my mandible and into my chin.  Sometimes I’ll have flashes of sharp pain across the roots of my maxillary teeth.  More often than not I’ll have a frozen burning patch along the side of my nose.

I’ll browse through Facebook on my laptop.  My fingers will lightly spasm as I go through, so I have to make sure the mouse is off to the side of the screen so I don’t accidentally click on something.

After a little while I’ll get up, wind my way to a shower, and get on with my day.  I will have difficulty recalling things I did moments ago.  I will stumble over words.  My brain will supply me with an alternate word for the one I’m wanting, and I will have to logically work my way through an number of other words before I get to the correct one.  I will sometimes have intention tremors.

If I’m lucky, the wobbliness will be done by 10am.  Other times it lasts all day, and I will have to rely on my cane for balance.

I don’t know how much of this is the Tegretol or if this is an increasing severity of whatever is causing my trigeminal neuralgia.  Hopefully I will find out soon!

Thank You To My General Practitioner

Bones

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I have been seeing my general practitioner doctor for two years.

I first remember meeting him as a depressed and anxious wreck during winter, where he looked at me and prescribed me antidepressants immediately, with a recheck in a couple of weeks.  I revisited a few times, both of us delighted that the first SSRI was a winner, and then I didn’t see him for a bit.

I didn’t see him until after my physio suggested my overreaction to injury may be fibromyalgia.  I described my symptoms to him and he said the words I hoped to hear:  “it sounds like you have fibromyalgia”.  We tried amitrip, then he suggested we try pregabalin, as amitrip wasn’t working for me.  It was a winner.

Then I got face pain and I went straight in to see him.  He said the words I really did not hope to hear:  “it sounds like trigeminal neuralgia”, but we treated it for a possible ear infection and possible shingles in the ear (because one of his friends had it years ago and it took a very long time to figure that one out).

I have visited him every week for so long the receptionist knows my name.

We’re now going for a private MRI and a public neurologist to get this sorted as quickly as possible, because I won’t be able to continue my education next year if this pain keeps up.

I have been incredibly lucky to get an amazing doctor first up.  He has never doubted what I have to say, never told me its in my head, always done additional research to ensure he is providing optimal care, and has taken the time and effort to personalise the treatment to my peculiarities.  He has been an amazing point of support throughout all of this.

So to my general practitioner:  thank you.  You are amazing, and you are improving my quality of life more than I can say.

Getting Outside Is Good For The Soul

Bones

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I have spent the day at a country manor, helping out with some very (very) basic farm things, such as finding the pigs and getting them back into their pen, and bringing the older cows in for drenching.

I even drove the two aside farm vehicle thing.  That was awesome.

Even through the drizzle and the cold, there was constant bird song.  The hills rolled on and on until they met the mountains.  You could see the valley wherein a dairy farm nestled.  And it was beautiful and so restful.

This morning I sat on the front deck while my dog zoomed around the landscaped front yard and I cried.  It wasn’t a sad cry, but rather that cry you get when you unclench and let everything you’ve held dissipate.  It took me some time to finish.  When I did, I felt renewed, and my chest felt light.

It just reminded me that I need to get out into farmland more often.  Not into bush – while I like it, it’s not where I feel most relaxed, but rather into the rolling green hills akin to England’s own.  Into lifestyle blocks and retiree blocks where there aren’t many animals, and they just need a bit of mustering because they’re so used to their humans and will follow them anywhere.

While I know it is only a transient feeling, I feel more settled than I have in a long time.